Memorable Movie Quotes: THE MUMMY (1932)

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Welcome back to Memorable Movie Quotes, that column where we look at memorable quotes from some pretty cool movies, especially horror movies.

Up today it’s THE MUMMY (1932), the classic Universal monster movie that starred Boris Karloff as Imhotep, the mummy, and unlike later mummy movies in which the monster was mute and remained in its bandages, Imhotep sheds his wrappings and wreaks havoc with curses and spells which gives him plenty of dialogue, meaning in THE MUMMY there are lots of Imhotep quotes to be found.

The two most memorable things about THE MUMMY are Karl Freund’s exceedingly atmospheric direction, and Karloff’s mesmerizing performance as Imhotep, but the screenplay by John L. Balderston, who also contributed to the screenplays for DRACULA (1931), FRANKENSTEIN (1931), and THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935), isn’t too shabby either.

The screenplay, based on stories by Nina Wilcox Putnam and Richard Schayer, is very similar to the story told in DRACULA. Imhotep, like Dracula, sets his sights on a young woman, Helen Grosvenor (Zita Johann), and he tries to steal her away from her love interest, Frank Whemple (David Manners), and standing in his way is the knowledgable Doctor Muller (Edward Van Sloan). David Manners and Edward Van Sloan each played similar roles in DRACULA (1931), as Manners played John Harker, and Van Sloan played Van Helsing.

But in this case Imhotep is interested in Helen Grosvenor because she’s the reincarnation of his lost love, unlike in DRACULA where Dracula, a vampire, wasn’t all that interested in love. Interestingly enough, later versions of DRACULA would use this reincarnation plot point, something that was done here in THE MUMMY, but not in the Lugosi DRACULA or in Bram Stoker’s original novel Dracula.

THE MUMMY is chock full of memorable lines of dialogue. Let’s have a listen.

After the opening credits, the eeriness begins in earnest as these words appear on-screen:  This is the Scroll of Thoth. Herein are set down the magic words by which Isis raised Osiris from the dead.

The film opens in 1921 in Egypt where Sir Joseph Whemple (Arthur Byron) has just discovered the mummified remains of Imhotep. His friend and colleague Doctor Muller (Edward Van Sloan) warns him against disregarding Egyptian curses, but his eager young assistant Ralph (Bramwell Fletcher) reads the spell and unintentionally resurrects Imhotep (Boris Karloff) in one of the film’s most chilling scenes.

When Sir Joseph finds Ralph laughing maniacally and the body of the mummy missing, the youth says:

RALPH:  He went for a little walk! You should have seen his face!

 

The story picks up ten years later when we find Sir Joseph’s son Frank (David Manners) following in his father’s footsteps in Egypt, along with fellow scientist Professor Pearson (Leonard Mudie). Here, they discuss what happened on that fateful day ten years earlier.

PEARSON: Well, Whemple, back we go to London, and what fools we’ll look. Money wasted, hole after hole dug in this blasted desert, a few beads, a few broken pots. A man needs more than hard work for this game. He needs flair, he needs luck, like your father.

FRANK: Well, in the days he used to come out here there wasn’t so much competition.

PEARSON: When he did, he found things, and once, ten years ago, he found too much.

FRANK: Was it ten years ago? Queer story that young Oxford chap he had with him going mad. You know what I think it was?

PEARSON: No. What?

FRANK: I think he went crazy, bored beyond human endurance, messing around in this sand and these rocks.

PEARSON: He was laughing when your father found him. He died laughing. In a straitjacket. Your father never explained, but when the best excavator England has turned out, a man who loves Egypt, said he’d never come back here, that meant something.

Imhotep arrives using the alias Ardath Bey, and he leads Frank and Pearson to the remains of the mummy Ankh-es-en-Amon, Imhotep’s long-lost love. Later, Imhotep travels to the British Museum where he hopes to raise his love from the dead. While there, he meets Sir Joseph Whemple who is overjoyed to meet him since he’s the one responsible for this grand exhibit. He reaches for Imhotep’s arm, who abruptly pulls away, saying:

IMHOTEP: Excuse me… I dislike being touched… an Eastern prejudice.

 

Later, Frank entertains Helen Grosvenor, and this conversation sets up one of her better lines in the movie:

FRANK:  Stuck in the desert for two months, and was it hot! That tomb…

HELEN: What tomb?

FRANK: Surely you read about the princess?

HELEN: So you did that.

FRANK: Yes. The fourteen steps down and the unbroken seals were thrilling. But when we came to handle all her clothes and her jewels and her toilet things – you know they buried everything with them that they used in life? – well, when we came to unwrap the girl herself…

HELEN: How could you do that?

FRANK:  Had to! Science, you know. Well after we’d worked among her things, I felt as if I’d known her. But when we got the wrappings off, and I saw her face… you’ll think me silly, but I sort of fell in love with her.

HELEN Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?

 

When Imhotep meets Helen, he recognizes her right away as the reincarnation of Anck-es-en-Amon.

IMHOTEP:  Have we not met before, Miss Grosvenor?

HELEN: No. I don’t think so. I don’t think one would forget meeting you, Ardath Bey.

IMHOTEP: Then I am mistaken.

 

In one of the film’s most intense scenes, Imhotep tries to force Sir Joseph Whemple and Doctor Muller to give him the Scroll of Thoth:

IMHOTEP: That scroll is my property. I bought it from a dealer. It is here in this house. I presume in that room. (Turns to Joseph Whemple and utters words to a curse.)

DR. MULLER: We have foreseen this! The scroll is in safe hands. It will be destroyed the minute it is known that harm has come to us.

IMHOTEP: You have studied our ancient arts and you know that you cannot harm me. You also know that you must return that scroll to me or die. Now tell that weak fool to get that scroll wherever it is and hand it to his Nubian servant.

SIR JOSEPH: The Nubian?

DR. MULLER: The ancient blood—and so you have made him your slave. If I could get my hands on you, I’d break your dried flesh to pieces, but your power is too strong.

 

Eventually, Imhotep gets both the Scroll of Thoth and Helen, and as he puts her in a trance, he prepares to reveal to her their history:

IMHOTEP: You will not remember what I show you now, and yet I shall awaken memories of love… and crime… and death…

 

The flashback sequence, which shows the tragic end to their love story, and chronicles how Imhotep first became a mummy, is one of the most atmospheric and memorable sequences in the entire movie. In order to give it a long ago feel, director Karl Freund shot it like a silent movie, and so there’s no sound other than the haunting music and Karloff’s effective voiceover narration.

Let’s have a listen:

IMHOTEP (voiceover narration): I knelt by the bed of death. My father’s last farewell. I knew the Scroll of Thoth could bring thee back to life. I dared the god’s anger and stole it.

I stole back to thy tomb to bring thee back to life. I murmured the spell that raises the dead. They broke in upon me and found me doing an unholy thing.

My father condemned me to a nameless death. The scroll he ordered buried with me that no such sacrilege might disgrace Egypt again.

A nameless grave. The slaves were killed so that none should know. The soldiers who killed them were also slain, so no friend could creep to the desert with funeral offerings for my condemned spirit.

 

And then, after the flashback is finished, Imhotep continues the conversation, first while Helen is still in a trance, and then after he awakens her:

IMHOTEP: Anck-es-en-Amon, my love has lasted longer than the temples of our gods. No man ever suffered as I did for you. But the rest you may not know. Not until you are about to pass through the great night of terror and triumph. Until you are ready to face moments of horror for an eternity of love. Until I send death to your spirit that has wandered through so many forms and so many ages.

But before that, Bast must again send forth death, death to that boy whose love is creeping into your heart, love that would keep you from myself. Love that might bring sickness and even death to you— awake!

HELEN: Have I been asleep? I had strange dreams. Dreams of ancient Egypt, I think. There was someone like you in them.

IMHOTEP: My pool is sometimes troubled. One sees strange fantasies in the water, but they pass like dreams.

 

And we finish with a line near the end of the film, when Helen realizes Imhotep’s intentions, and admits her conflict, that she understands she’s two different people, but one of those persons is alive and well in the here and now.

HELEN:  I loved you once, but now you belong with the dead. I am Anck-es-en-Amon, but I… I’m somebody else, too. I want to live, even in this strange new world.

 

THE MUMMY is one of Universal’s best classic monster movies, and it features a phenomenal performance by Boris Karloff as Imhotep.

I hope you enjoyed these quotes from THE MUMMY and join me again next time when we look at quotes from another classic movie.

Thanks for reading!

—Michael

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MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES: AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018)

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While I enjoyed AVENGERS: ENDGAME (2019) well enough, I liked the previous installment of the Marvel Avengers’ saga, AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018) much better.

For me, INFINITY WAR was the perfect balance of action-adventure, well-placed humor, and raw emotion. It also didn’t hurt that it had one heck of an ending, one that left audience members gasping in shock at the bold decision made by the filmmakers.

Thanos won.

Those two words still make me groan.

Speaking of words, let’s get back to the point of this column, and lighten things up a bit. A huge reason why INFINITY WAR was so enjoyable was its script. Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, the screenplay did a remarkable job giving each and every character in the film key moments and quality screen time. As such, there were a lot of memorable lines in this one, most of which need very little explanation or setting up.

Let’s have a listen:

One of the main reasons the script in AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR was so lively was because of the interactions of all the different characters, many of which were meeting each other for the first time, like here when Tony Stark first runs into the Guardians of the Galaxy:

PETER QUILL: Everybody stay where you are. Chill the eff out. I’m gonna ask you this one time. Where is Gamora?

TONY STARK: Yeah. I’ll do you one better. Who’s Gamora?

DRAX: I’ll do you one better. Why is Gamora?

 

And this exchange between Doctor Strange and Peter Quill:

DOCTOR STRANGE: Ok, let me ask you this one time: What master do you serve?

PETER QUILL: Oh, what master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?

 

The Guardians get some of the funniest lines in the film, like this sequence with Thor:

THOR: There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth, they’re with the Avengers.

PETER QUILL: The Avengers?

THOR: The Earth’s mightiest heroes.

MANTIS: Like Kevin Bacon?

THOR: He may be on the team. I don’t know, I haven’t been there in a while.

 

And here with Tony Stark and Peter Parker:

TONY STARK: We gotta coalesce. Because if all we come out is with a plucky attitude—.

PETER QUILL: Dude, don’t call us plucky. We don’t know what it means. We’re more optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except, it sucks. So let me do the plan and that way it might be really good.

DRAX: Tell him about the dance-off to save the Universe.

TONY STARK: What dance-off?

PETER QUILL: It’s not a thing.

PETER PARKER: Like in Footloose, the movie?

PETER QUILL: Exactly like Footloose. Is it still the greatest movie in history?

PETER PARKER: It never was.

TONY STARK: Don’t encourage Flash Gordon.

PETER QUILL: Flash Gordon? That’s a compliment. Don’t forget, I’m half human. So that 50% of me that’s stupid. That’s 100% you.

 

Another reason AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR works so well is because Thanos is one of the best Marvel movie villains of all time, and the movie gives him depth and plenty of key scenes. One could make the argument that INFINITY WAR is really Thanos’ story, as it follows his quest to obtain the Infinity Stones and make good on his promise to wipe out half the population of the universe all in the interest of saving it. Thanos gets a lot of memorable lines, like in this dramatic exchange with his daughter and current Guardian of the Galaxy, Gamora:

GAMORA: I was a child when you took me.

THANOS: I saved you.

GAMORA; No. We were happy on my home planet.

THANOS: You were going to bed hungry, scrounging for scraps. Your planet was on the brink of collapse. I’m the one who stopped that. You know what’s happened since then? The children born have known nothing but full bellies and clear skies. It’s a paradise.

GAMORA: Because you murdered half the planet.

THANOS: A small price to pay for salvation.

GAMORA: You’re insane.

THANOS: Little one, it’s a simple calculus. This universe is finite, its resources, finite. If life is left unchecked, life will cease to exist. It needs correcting.

GAMORA: You don’t know that!

THANOS: I’m the only one who knows that. At least, I’m the only one with the will to act on it.

And in one of the more dramatic sequences in the film, here with Gamora again, and Red Skull, when Thanos realizes that in order to secure this particular Stone he has to sacrifice someone he loves.

GAMORA: All my life I dreamed of a day, a moment, when you got what you deserved. And I was always so disappointed. But now, you kill and torture and you call it mercy. The universe has judged you. You asked it for a prize and it told you no. You failed. And do you wanna know why? Because you love nothing. No one.

(Thanos sheds tears.)

GAMORA: Really? Tears?

RED SKULL: They are not for him.

And at the moment, the audience realizes what’s going to happen next, what Thanos is about to do. I can still feel the shivers. Heck, nearly every time Thanos speaks I feel shivers. Just listen:

THANOS: I know what it’s like to lose. To feel so desperately that you’re right, yet to fail nonetheless. It’s frightening, turns the legs to jelly. I ask you to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now it’s here. Or should I say, I am.

I just have to say, in addition to the screenplay, Josh Brolin’s performance as Thanos really deserves a shout out.  Brolin nailed it as Thanos throughout.

Okay, time to lighten things up again.

Two other characters who met for the first time in INFINITY WAR, Thor and Rocket Raccoon, enjoyed a lot of lively exchanges:

ROCKET: You speak Groot?

THOR: Yes, they taught it on Asgard. It was an elective.

 

ROCKET: This is Thanos we’re talking about. He’s the toughest there is.

THOR:  Well, he’s never fought me.

ROCKET: Yeah, he has.

THOR: He’s never fought me twice.

 

Then there’s this humorous exchange between Tony Stark and Doctor Strange:

TONY STARK: If Thanos needs all six, why don’t we just stick this one down a garbage disposal?

DOCTOR STRANGE: No can do.

WONG: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.

TONY STARK: And I swore off dairy… but then Ben & Jerry’s named a flavor after me, so…

DOCTOR STRANGE: Stark Raving Hazelnuts.

TONY STARK: Not bad.

DOCTOR STRANGE: A bit chalky.

WONG: A Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge is our favorite.

 

INFINITY WAR also featured old friends reuniting after being separated for a long time. Here, Captain American and Thor meet up for the final battle and comment on each other’s appearances:

CAPTAIN AMERICA: New haircut?

THOR: Noticed you’ve copied my beard.

 

And this exchange between Tony Stark and Peter Parker:

PETER PARKER: Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.

TONY STARK: I don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?

And on and on we could go, but we’ll finish here, with, fittingly enough, the final line in the movie. It’s Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury:

NICK FURY: Oh, no… Motherf…!

And on that note, we’ll call it a column. Hope you enjoyed this look at memorable quotes from AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR and join me again next time for another Memorable Movie Quotes column.

As always, thanks for reading!

—Michael

 

 

MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES: FRIGHT NIGHT (1985)

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Chris Sarandon as vampire Jerry Dandrige in FRIGHT NIGHT (1985)

Welcome to “Fright Night!” For real.

That’s Chris Sarandon as vampire Jerry Dandrige in one of my favorite vampire movies of all time, FRIGHT NIGHT (1985).

Welcome back to MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES, that column where we look at memorable quotes from the movies. Up today it’s FRIGHT NIGHT, a surprising horror hit from 1985 which starred Chris Sarandon and Roddy McDowall. When I first saw this movie at the theater in 1985, I was hooked immediately. I liked it so much I saw it again a few days later.

There are lots of fun quotes from this movie, thanks to a lively and comedic script by Tom Holland, who also directed. I’m not usually a fan of comedic horror, but it works here in FRIGHT NIGHT because the humor is sharp and the horror genuine.

Here’s a look at some of the more memorable lines from the movie:

One of the main reasons FRIGHT NIGHT works so well  is that Chris Sarandon knocks it out of the park as vampire Jerry Dandrige. Sarandon is funny, sexy, and very evil. As such, he gets some of the best lines in the movie. It really is a shame Sarandon never played this role again. In his one turn as an undead, Sarandon played one of the cinema’s’ most memorable vampires.

One of my favorite sequences is when high schooler Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) who’s been trying and failing to convince people that a vampire lives next door to him learns that a vampire cannot enter a home without being invited by someone inside, which makes him feel confident that he’s safe. When his mother calls him to come downstairs to meet someone, he thinks nothing of it but is horrified to see Jerry Dandrige sitting in his living room.

JERRY:  What’s the matter, Charley? Afraid I’d never come over without being invited first?

Charley’s mother laughs, as a shocked Charley looks on in disbelief. Jerry plays up the charm here for Charley’s mother while keeping menacing undertones aimed at Charley.

JERRY: You’re right. You’re quite right. Of course, now that I’ve been made welcome, I’ll probably drop by quite a bit. In fact, anytime I feel like it. With your mother’s permission, of course.

 

Later, Jerry makes good on his promise and returns to threaten Charley:

JERRY: Now we wouldn’t want to wake your mother, would we Charley? Then I’d have to kill her too. Right?

(He grabs Charley by the throat.)

Do you realize how much trouble you’ve caused me? Spying on me. Almost disturbing my sleep this afternoon. Telling policemen about me!

You deserve to die, boy. Of course… I could give you something I don’t have. A choice. Forget about me, Charley. Forget about me, and I’ll forget about you. What do you say, Charley?

And Charley responds by pulling out a cross and shoving it into Jerry’s face, an action that doesn’t sit well with the vampire.

 

In one of the film’s better scenes, Jerry corners Charley’s friend “Evil” Ed (Stephen Geoffreys) in an alley.

 

JERRY: Hello, Edward. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I know what it’s like being different. Only they won’t pick on you anymore… or beat you up. I’ll see to that. All you have to do is take my hand. Go on, Edward. Take my hand!

It’s one of the better vampire scenes which involves a male on male seduction, and what makes it particularly effective isn’t necessarily its sexual aspect but the fact that Jerry takes advantage of a vulnerable high school teen, which makes him all the more creepy. More than that, it makes him a genuine creep!

Speaking of “Evil” Ed, earlier in the movie he describes to Charley some of the murders which had been reported in their neighborhood.

EVIL ED:  You know what I heard on the police band last night?

CHARLEY: What?

EVIL ED: That wasn’t the only murder. The second in two days. And get this…both of them had their heads chopped off. Can you believe it?

CHARLEY:  You’re sick.

One of the more interesting characters in the movie is Jerry’s live-in carpenter and human protector, Billy Cole (Jonathan Stark). He gets some of the more lively lines in the film, as in this scene where he catches Charley snooping around the basement of the house.

BILLY: Hey, Kid! What are you doing?

CHARLEY: Nothin’…

BILLY: Oh, yeah? Well, just see that it stays that way… kid.

 

Of course, the most memorable character in the movie other than vampire Jerry Dandrige is Peter Vincent, as played by Roddy McDowall. It’s one of my all-time favorite McDowall performances. Peter Vincent is a former horror star, and his name of course comes from Peter Cushing and Vincent Price, but Peter Vincent is not really based on them. Vincent was a horror star who made a bunch of low-budget horror movies, and now he’s making a living by hopping around various television markets hosting “Fright Night” movie programs which show his old movies, many of them featuring him playing a character that slays vampires.

Charley Brewster is a big fan, and so when he’s threatened by Jerry Dandrige, Charley decides to seek out Peter’s help.

The first time they meet, Peter tells Charley that he has just been fired from his job.

PETER: I have just been fired because nobody wants to see vampire killers anymore, or vampires either. Apparently, all they want to see are demented madmen running around in ski-masks, hacking up young virgins.

He adds that nobody believes in vampires anymore, to which Charley responds:

CHARLEY: I believe in vampires!

Peter smiles at him and says:

PETER: That’s nice.

When Charley adds that he has a vampire living next door to him, Peter hightails it away from the boy, and when Charley reminds Peter that he himself said he believes in vampires, Peter says:

PETER: I lied!

One of my favorite lines comes when Amy and Evil Ed visit Peter to try to convince him to help Charley, and they begin to reminisce about Peter’s movies, and Peter shows them a prop from one of his films and fondly thinks back:

PETER: It was one of my favorite roles.

Doesn’t sound like much, but to watch McDowall play it is something special. His performance adds so much to FRIGHT NIGHT.

Of course, Peter eventually comes to believe that Charley is telling the truth and agrees to help him, even though he’s terrified throughout.

When Peter finally confronts Jerry, he holds out a crucifix and says dramatically:

PETER:   Back, spawn of Satan!

Jerry bursts out laughing.

JERRY:  Really?

He grabs the cross and throws it aside.

JERRY: You have to have faith for this to work on me!

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Charley (William Ragsdale) and Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall) prepare to battle vampires in FRIGHT NIGHT (1985).

 

Later, Peter is attacked by Evil Ed:

PETER: Mrs. Brewster. My God, the phone lines have been cut.

(The bed sheets move, and Peter sees that it’s not Mrs. Brewster in her bed, but Evil Ed.)

EVIL ED: I know. I did it!

PETER: Where is Charley’s mother?

EVIL ED: Oh, well, she’s working nights. But she left a note. (Reads) Mmmmmm mmm! His dinner… is in the oven!

And we finish with Jerry’s line as he meets Amy for the first time and presents himself dramatically, even kissing her on the hand. He then laughs and says:

JERRY: Isn’t that what vampires are supposed to do?

FRIGHT NIGHT remains playful throughout, even when being scary. It’s one of the best vampire movies around, definitely worth checking out.

Hope you enjoyed this look at memorable quotes from FRIGHT NIGHT, and join me again next time when we’ll look at cool quotes from another classic movie.

—Michael

Books by Michael Arruda:

New in 2019! DARK CORNERS, Michael Arruda’s second short story collection, contains ten tales of horror, six reprints and four stories original to this collection.

Dark Corners cover (1)

Waiting for you in Dark Corners are tales of vampires, monsters, werewolves, demonic circus animals, and eternal darkness. Be prepared to be both frightened and entertained. You never know what you will find lurking in dark corners.

Ebook: $3.99. Available at http://www.crossroadspress.com and at Amazon.com.  Print on demand version coming soon!

TIME FRAME,  science fiction novel by Michael Arruda.  

How far would you go to save your family? Would you change the course of time? That’s the decision facing Adam Cabral in this mind-bending science fiction adventure by Michael Arruda.

Ebook version:  $2.99. Available at http://www.crossroadpress.com. Print version:  $18.00. Includes postage! Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.

IN THE SPOOKLIGHT, movie review collection by Michael Arruda.

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Michael Arruda reviews horror movies throughout history, from the silent classics of the 1920s, Universal horror from the 1930s-40s, Hammer Films of the 1950s-70s, all the way through the instant classics of today. If you like to read about horror movies, this is the book for you!

 Ebook version:  $4.99.  Available at http://www.crossroadpress.com.  Print version:  $18.00.  Includes postage. Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.

FOR THE LOVE OF HORROR, first short story collection by Michael Arruda.  

For_the_love_of_Horror- original cover

Print cover

For the Love of Horror cover (3)

Ebook cover

 

Michael Arruda’s first short story collection, featuring a wraparound story which links all the tales together, asks the question: can you have a relationship when your partner is surrounded by the supernatural? If you thought normal relationships were difficult, wait to you read about what the folks in these stories have to deal with. For the love of horror!

 Ebook version:  $4.99.  Available at http://www.crossroadpress.com. Print version:  $18.00.  Includes postage. Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Memorable Movie Quotes: LIVE AND LET DIE (1973)

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Jane Seymour and Roger Moore in LIVE AND LET DIE (1973)

Welcome back to Memorable Movie Quotes, that column where we look at cool quotes from some really cool movies.

Up today, it’s LIVE AND LET DIE (1973), the first Roger Moore James Bond movie, and also the first Bond flick I saw at the movies, as I was fortunate enough to see this one when I was just nine years old.  I loved it and instantly declared Roger Moore the best James Bond. Of course, a few years and several Bond movies later, I changed my tune and went with Sean Connery.

Here’s a look at some quotes from the James Bond movie LIVE AND LET DIE, screenplay by Tom Mankiewicz.

Like most James Bond movies, especially the Roger Moore ones, the script is full of humorous double entendres. In fact, when playing Bond, Moore seemed most at home keeping things light.

Like in this early scene in the film, as Bond unzips his date’s dress with a magnet in his watch:

WOMAN: Such a delicate touch.

JAMES BOND: Sheer magnetism, darling.

In one of the film’s funnier scenes, Bond eludes the folks chasing him by hopping into a small plane only to find a woman at the controls waiting for her flying lesson.  They then speed through the airport with the villains in high pursuit. When the wild chase is over, and Bond and the woman safely bring the plane to a comfortable stop, Bond turns to her and says:

JAMES BOND:  Same time tomorrow, Mrs. Bell?

And after the villainous Kananga is killed when Bond shoves an explosive gas pellet into his mouth, causing him to blow up like a balloon and then explode, there’s this exchange with the beautiful Solitaire (Jane Seymour):

SOLITAIRE: Where’s Kananga?

JAMES BOND: He always did have an inflated opinion of himself.

 

One of my favorite lines comes right at the beginning of the movie, when one of Bond’s fellow agents is on a mission in New Orleans. He’s watching a funeral, when a man approaches him.

AGENT: Whose funeral is this?

MAN: Yours.

The man pulls out a knife and stabs the agent.

 

A lot of the humor in the film comes from Clifton James’ over-the-top portrayal of Southern sheriff J.W. Pepper. The role proved so popular that James reprised the role in Moore’s next outing as Bond, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974) which also starred Christopher Lee as the villainous Scaramanga.

In LIVE AND LET DIE, Sheriff Pepper spends most of his time chasing Bond all over the roads and waterways of Louisiana. When one of the cars whizzes past him, Pepper radios in:

SHERIFF PEPPER: Toby. Toby! I got me a regular Ben-Hur down here. Doing 95… minimum.

STATE TROOPER: Need any help, J.W.?

SHERIFF PEPPER: Hell, no!

When Bond proves too elusive, the sheriff decides to call for his brother-in-law, Billy-Bob, who owns the fastest boat in the area.

SHERIFF PEPPER: I got it. You call my brother-in-law, Billy Bob. He’s got the fastest boat in the whole damn river. Billy Bob sure enough will fix their ass! Call Billy Bob!

And later, when the chase ends badly for the police, and a boat lies smashed into the sheriff’s car, his deputies react:

DEPUTY: That look like a boat stuck in the Sheriff’s car there, Eddie?

EDDIE: Boy, where you been all your life? That there’s one of them new car-boats.

 

And we finish with one last double entendre from Mr. Bond. After defeating a one-armed assassin, and having removed the dead man’s prosthetic arm from the train window, he’s asked by Solitaire:

SOLITAIRE: Now what are you doing?

JAMES BOND: Just being disarming, darling.

 

And that’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed this edition of MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES featuring quotes from LIVE AND LET DIE.

Join me again next time when we look at more cool quotes from other cool movies.

Thanks for reading!

—Michael

Books by Michael Arruda:

TIME FRAME,  science fiction novel by Michael Arruda.  

Ebook version:  $2.99. Available at http://www.crossroadpress.com. Print version:  $18.00. Includes postage! Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.

IN THE SPOOKLIGHT, movie review collection by Michael Arruda.

InTheSpooklight_NewText

 Ebook version:  $4.99.  Available at http://www.crossroadpress.com.  Print version:  $18.00.  Includes postage. Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.

FOR THE LOVE OF HORROR, short story collection by Michael Arruda.  

For The Love Of Horror cover

Print version:  $18.00.  Includes postage. Email your order request to mjarruda33@gmail.com. Also available at Amazon.com.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Memorable Movie Quotes: ANNIE HALL (1977)

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annie hall

Diane Keaton and Woody Allen in ANNIE HALL (1977).

One of my favorite Woody Allen films is ANNIE HALL (1977), which just might be the quintessential Woody Allen movie.

I didn’t always feel this way.  I remember feeling quite bitter as a 13 year-old when ANNIE HALL bested my beloved STAR WARS (1977) for Best Picture that year.  Grrrr!!!

But it didn’t take me long to come around, as by the time I was in college I had watched ANNIE HALL multiple times and absolutely loved it. The jokes are nonstop and nearly all of them work, making ANNIE HALL the perfect subject for today’s MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES column, the column where we look at noteworthy quotes from some truly memorable movies.

ANNIE HALL works so well because Allen nails many of the truths that go along with relationships, and he finds humor in even their darkest moments. There’s an honesty in ANNIE HALL that lifts the humor to a whole other level.  There are enough memorable quotes in ANNIE HALL for several columns.  Today we’ll look at just a few of them.

The film opens with a memorable quote, as Woody Allen’s character Alvy Singer addresses the camera:

ALVY SINGER: There’s an old joke – um… two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ’em says, “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life – full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly. The… the other important joke, for me, is one that’s usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud’s “Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious,” and it goes like this – I’m paraphrasing – um, “I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” That’s the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

 

There are a ton of hilarious quips regarding the relationship between Allen’s Alvy Singer and Diane Keaton’s Annie Hall, like this split-screen exchange when they’re each seeing their respective therapists:

ALVY SINGER’S THERAPIST: How often do you sleep together?

ANNIE HALL’S THERAPIST: Do you have sex often?

ALVY SINGER (complaining): Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.

ANNIE HALL (annoyed): Constantly. I’d say three times a week.

 

And this conversation:

ALVY SINGER: Hey listen, gimme a kiss.

ANNIE HALL: Really?

ALVY SINGER: Yeah, why not, because we’re just gonna go home later, right, and then there’s gonna be all that tension, we’ve never kissed before and I’ll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we’ll kiss now and get it over with, and then we’ll go eat. We’ll digest our food better.

 

And here’s one of my favorite jokes in the film, where Alvy confronts Annie about having an affair:

ALVY SINGER: Well, I didn’t start out spying. I thought I’d surprise you. Pick you up after school.

ANNIE HALL: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it’s your phrase.

ALVY SINGER: Oh stop it, you’re having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man…

ANNIE HALL:  Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You’re really close.

ALVY SINGER; What’s the difference? It’s all mental masturbation.

ANNIE HALL: Oh, well, now we’re finally getting to a subject you know something about.

ALVY SINGER: Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

 

Then there’s this observation on relationships:

ALVY SINGER: A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

 

And of course there are jokes that have nothing to do with relationships that are flat-out hilarious in ANNIE HALL, like this comment by Alvy on California when he and Annie are visiting The Golden State:

ANNIE HALL:  It’s so clean out here.

ALVY SINGER: That’s because they don’t throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.

 

Another of my favorite bits involves a scene with Christopher Walker as Duane.

DUANE:  Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you’ll understand. Sometimes when I’m driving… on the road at night… I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The… flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

ALVY SINGER: Right. Well, I have to – I have to go now, Duane, because I, I’m due back on the planet Earth.

 

And like it begins, ANNIE HALL ends with another memorable set of lines, once more spoken by Woody Allen’s Alvy Singer, to close out the film:

ALVY SINGER: After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I… I realized what a terrific person she was, and… and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I… I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.

 

As I said earlier, there are so many more memorable quotes and jokes in ANNIE HALL, there’s enough to fill an entire second and third column. But that’s it for today.  I hope you enjoyed today’s MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES column and join me again next time when I look at cool quotes from another classic movie.

Thanks for reading!

—Michael

Memorable Movie Quotes: THEM! (1954)

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them-movie-poster-1954

Welcome back to another edition of MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES, that column where we look at cool quotes from cool movies, especially horror movies.  Up today, it’s THEM! (1954), the classic science fiction horror movie about giant ants on the prowl first in the deserts of New Mexico and then in the sewers of Los Angeles.  THEM! is arguably the best of the 1950s giant monster movies.  It also one of the finest horror movies ever made.

One of its strengths is its well-written and very smart screenplay by Ted Sherdeman.  It tells a compelling story, the first half of which plays like a hard-hitting crime drama and mystery, as people are disappearing, and the New Mexico State Police and the FBI work together to find out why.  The second half, when the giant ants are revealed, becomes a classic 1950s horror fest.  The entire film is chilling throughout.

The script also includes many memorable lines.  And on that note, let’s have a look at some of these lines from THEM!, screenplay by Ted Sherdeman.

Early on, the dialogue drives the suspense and sets the tone.  Like in this early scene where the coroner details the cause of death of one of the victims:

CORONER:  Well, Old Man Johnson could’ve died in any one of five ways.  His neck and back were broken, his chest was crushed, his skull was fractured… and here’s one for Sherlock Holmes – there was enough formic acid in him to kill twenty men.

Later, when FBI agent Robert Graham (James Arness) and police sergeant Ben Peterson (James Whitmore) are in search of clues, they investigate a large sugar theft from a railway yard, a theft that has gotten the night watchman arrested, since he claimed he didn’t see a thing.  Of course, Graham and Peterson know sugar is just the thing on the giant ants’ menu, and so they are intrigued and question the night watchman.

GRAHAM:  Is this the only job you ever had?

NIGHT WATCHMAN:  Yes, sir. I’ve been with the railroad thirty years and never a blot against my record.

GRAHAM:  Well, the yard cop seems to think you made a deal not to see that car broken into.

NIGHT WATCHMAN:  What kind of sense does that make? Is sugar a rare cargo? Is there a black market for it? Did you ever hear of a fence for hot sugar? If I was gonna make a deal with crooks to steal something, it wouldn’t be for forty tons of sugar. And I’ll swear I didn’t hear a thing Friday night.

Smart, realistic, writing.  And there’s also plenty of humor, too.  Like when the railroad yard cop asks Sergeant Peterson why the FBI is so interested in a sugar theft.  Peterson’s reply?

PETERSON:  He’s got a sweet tooth.

In fact, there’s a lot of humorous lines in THEM!  And they’re necessary.  For a film as tense as THEM!, moments of comic relief are very welcome.

Let’s have a look.

When they are preparing to saturate the massive ant nest with cyanide, a nervous Graham quips:

GRAHAM:  If I can still raise an arm when we get out of this place, I’m gonna show you just how saturated I can get.

When Graham and Peterson first meet the attractive daughter of Dr. Harold Medford (Edmund Gwenn), Dr. Patricia Medford (Joan Weldon), they have this exchange:

GRAHAM:  I shoulda had this suit pressed.

PETERSON: She’s quite a doctor, eh?

GRAHAM: Yeah. If she’s the kind that takes care of sick people, I think I’ll get a fever real quick.

One of the funnier bits in the film occurs when Peterson and Dr. Medford ride together in a helicopter and Dr. Medford attempts to talk to his daughter via the radio.  Of course, Edmund Gwenn, who played Dr. Medford, was no stranger to comedic roles during his career. Gwenn is probably most famous today for playing Kris Kringle in the original MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (1947).

DR. MEDFORD:  Search Able to Search Baker.

PETERSON: Say “Over.”

DR. MEDFORD: Huh?

PETERSON: Then say “Over.”

DR. MEDFORD:  “Over?”

PATRICIA MEDFORD:  Medford in Baker to Medford in Able: Go ahead, Dad. Over.

DR. MEDFORD: Have you found anything yet?

PETERSON: Say “Over.”

DR. MEDFORD: I just said it.

PETERSON: I know. Say it again.

DR. MEDFORD: Oh. “Over!”

PATRICIA MEDFORD: Baker to Able: Not yet. We’re about three-quarters of the way across our sector. We’re now at coordinates Charlie-Six. Over.

DR. MEDFORD: Well, don’t pass up any possibilities. Let me know the moment you find anything.

PETERSON: If you’re finished, say “Over and out.”

DR. MEDFORD: But she knows I’m through talking with her.

PETERSON: I know she does, Doctor. It’s a rule, though. You gotta say it.

DR. MEDFORD: Ah…

PETERSON: Isn’t that right, General?

GENERAL O’BRIEN: Right, Sergeant.

DR. MEDFORD: This is ridiculous! A lot of good your rules are gonna do us if we don’t locate the…

PETERSON (over the headset): Over and out.

DR. MEDFORD: Oh, now you’re happy!

them!-whitmore-gwen-helicopter

And when they’re examining the wall of the ant nest:

DR. PATRICIA MEDFORD: Look! Held together with saliva!

PETERSON: Yeah! Spit’s all that’s holding me together right now, too.

One of the most famous lines from the film, and if you’ve seen it, you no doubt remember it, is when Peterson and Graham travel to a local hospital to interview a drunk who may or may not have seen the giant ants.  It turns out, the drunk, Jensen, has seen the ants and gives them some valuable information which leads them to the ants’ whereabouts, but not before he has this lively and memorable exchange:

JENSEN:  General, I’ll make a deal with you. You make me a sergeant in charge of the booze and I’ll enlist. Make me a sergeant in charge of the booze! Make me a sergeant in charge of the booze!

And of course, the film gets its title from the screams of the little girl who Sgt. Peterson finds roaming the desert in the film’s opening moments.  She’s in a catatonic state of shock, but later, when Professor Medford revives her, she screams out:

LITTLE GIRL:  Them!  Them! Them!!!

them!-little_girl

In spite of his comedic background, Edmund Gwenn as Dr. Medford also has some of the more somber and poignant lines from the movie.  Like here, when FBI Agent Graham reacts to the news the ant they just killed was only one of many.

GRAHAM:  And I thought today was the end of them.

MEDFORD: No. We haven’t seen the end of them. We’ve only had a close view of the beginning of what may be the end of us.

And as Dr. Medford, Edmund Gwenn also gets to have the final say at the end of the movie:

GRAHAM: Pat, if these monsters got started as a result of the first atomic bomb in 1945, what about all the others that have been exploded since then?

PATRICIA MEDFORD: I don’t know.

DR. MEDFORD: Nobody knows, Robert. When Man entered the atomic age, he opened a door into a new world. What we’ll eventually find in that new world, nobody can predict.

Cue end credits.

THEM! is a superior horror movie, taut, well-acted, well-written, with decent special effects.  It succeeds because the ants aren’t the main focus of the movie.  It’s the characters in the film and their reactions to the events around them that make THEM! a classic of 1950s giant monster cinema.

I hope you enjoyed these quotes from THEM! and join me again next time on the next MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES when we look at memorable quotes from another memorable movie.

Thanks for reading!

—Michael

MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES: GOLDFINGER (1964)

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goldfinger poster

Welcome back to MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTES, that column where we look at fun quotes from the movies.

Today we look at GOLDFINGER (1964), the third Sean Connery James Bond movie, and one of my all-time favorites.  When looking at memorable quotes in the movies, you really can’t go wrong with a James Bond flick.  GOLDFINGER is one of the best.  Let’s have a listen to some of these quotes from GOLDFINGER, screenplay by Richard Maibaum and Paul Dehn.

As with so many of the James Bond movies, GOLDFINGER is loaded with double entendres, like this one in the exciting pre-credit sequence, where after a violent fight, Bond knocks his foe into a bathtub and then electrocutes the man by tossing in an electric fan after him.

After the man has died, Bond (Sean Connery)  says:

BOND:  Shocking! Positively shocking!

 

Later, after Goldfinger has disposed of the body of a dead foe by placing him inside a car and then having the car crushed at a junkyard, he gestures to the car and comments, setting up this Bond line:

GOLDFINGER:  Forgive me, Mr. Bond, but, uh… I must arrange to separate my gold from the late Mr. Solo.

JAMES BOND:  As you said, he had a pressing engagement.

 

And towards the end of the movie, after Bond kills Oddjob by electrocuting him:

FELIX LEITER:  You okay, James? Where’s your butler friend?

JAMES BOND:  He blew a fuse.

 

GOLDFINGER contains one of Sean Connery’s most playful performances as James Bond.  It’s the first of the Bonds that really rises above the straightforward spy thriller, following the more serious and restrained DR. NO (1962) and FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (1963).  The third time is the charm for Connery, as his Bond here is more confident, more relaxed, and he exudes far more sex appeal this time around than in the first two movies.

As such, he enjoys many fine little moments in this movie, like in this scene early on, when he’s seeking out Goldfinger’s hotel room.  He charms a maid into letting him use the key to open the door.  Horrified, she says:

MAID:  But that’s Mr. Goldfinger’s room!

To which Bond smiles at her and says warmly:

JAMES BOND:  I know.

 

GOLDFINGER also contains one of the earlier scenes in the series where Bond interacts with Q (Desmond Llewelyn) and discusses the various weapons and gadgets Q has prepared for him.  In GOLDFINGER, they discuss perhaps the most famous car in the Bond series, the Aston Martin DB5, specifically, the ejector seat.  Let’s listen:

Q:  Now this one I’m particularly keen about. You see the gear lever here? Now, if you take the top off, you will find a little red button. Whatever you do, don’t touch it.

JAMES BOND:  Yeah, why not?

Q:  Because you’ll release this section of the roof, and engage and then fire the passenger ejector seat. Whish!

JAMES BOND:  Ejector seat? You’re joking!

Q:  I never joke about my work, 007.

 

And of course, GOLDFINGER includes one of the most famous female characters in the series, famous mostly because of her name:  Pussy Galore.  It still amazes me today that the movie was able to pull this off and get away with having this name in the film.  But they did.

Bond’s reaction to first learning Ms. Galore’s (Honor Blackman) name is classic.  He had been drugged, and when he awakes from his stupor, he finds himself looking at a beautiful woman.

JAMES BOND:  Who are you?

PUSSY GALORE:  My name is Pussy Galore.

JAMES BOND:  I must be dreaming.

goldfinger - pussy galore

Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) introduces herself to James Bond (Sean Connery).

 

With apologies to Blofeld, Auric Goldfinger (Gert Frobe) is arguably the most memorable villain ever to appear in the Sean Connery Bonds.  In this classic conversation, Bond and Goldfinger discuss the villain’s supposed plan to rob Fort Knox of its gold, a plan Bond thinks is ridiculous until he learns the truth behind Goldfinger’s plot:

BOND:  You’ll kill 60,000 people uselessly.

GOLDFINGER:  Hah. American motorists kill that many every two years.

BOND:  Yes, well, I’ve worked out a few statistics of my own. 15 billion dollars in gold bullion weighs 10,500 tons. Sixty men would take twelve days to load it onto 200 trucks. Now, at the most, you’re going to have two hours before the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines move in and make you put it back.

GOLDFINGER:  Who mentioned anything about removing it?  (Pauses to let this revelation sink into Bond’s mind.)  The julep tart enough for you?

BOND:  You plan to break into the world’s largest bank, but not to steal anything. Why?

GOLDFINGER:  Go on, Mr. Bond.

BOND:  Mr. Ling, the Red Chinese at the factory, he’s a specialist in nuclear fission… but of course! His government’s given you a bomb.

GOLDFINGER:  I prefer to call it an “atomic device.” It’s small, but particularly dirty.

BOND:  A dirty bomb? Cobalt and iodine?

GOLDFINGER:  Precisely.

BOND:  Well, if you explode it in Fort Knox, the… the entire gold supply of the United States would be radioactive for… fifty-seven years.

GOLDFINGER:  Fifty-eight, to be exact.

BOND:  I apologize, Goldfinger. It’s an inspired deal! They get what they want, economic chaos in the West. And the value of your gold increases many times.

GOLDFINGER:  I conservatively estimate, ten times.

BOND:  Brilliant.

goldfinger - connery

James Bond (Sean Connery) mulls over Goldfinger’s plot.

James Bond’s favorite CIA Agent Felix Leiter (Cec Linder) also appears in GOLDFINGER, and he and Bond share this humorous exchange near the end of the film:

BOND:  Special plane, lunch at the White House… how come?

FELIX:  The President wants to thank you personally.

BOND:  Oh, it was nothing, really.

FELIX:  I know that, but he doesn’t.

BOND:  I suppose I’ll be able to get a drink there.

FELIX:  I told the stewardess liquor for three.

BOND:  Who are the other two?

FELIX:  Oh, there are no other two.

 

And of course Goldfinger gets the most famous line in the movie, and perhaps the most famous line in the entire series.  It certainly belongs in the conversation.  Bond is strapped to a table, and a deadly laser beam is aimed at his body, sparking this question and Goldfinger’s infamous answer:

BOND:  Do you expect me to talk?

GOLDFINGER:  No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die!

goldfinger-laser

“No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die!”

And there you have it.  Some memorable quotes from the classic James Bond movie GOLDFINGER.  Hope you enjoyed them.

Join me again next time when we’ll look at more quotes from another cool movie.

Thanks for reading!

—Michael